The wonders of the neti pot and the Voodo Doctor, Part Deuce

So as you can tell I've been a little absent from my blog world for quite some time, and let me tell you, it's been for good reason. For awhile there I was just wishing for my death, but I am feeling much better now.

A trip to the voodoo doctor, as my husband calls her, a readjustment of the ileocecal valve and walla, I'm all better.

As you may or may not know, ever since we moved back to this great and wonderful tundra locally known as North Dakota, I have been one sinus infection away from the decision to begin planning my own death. And these aren't your run of the mill sinus infections either, these are "want to throw yourself in the lake" kind of chronic sinusitis.

Let's just say that it begins with completely closed up and swollen nasal passages, then it progresses to a wall of mucus behind the eyes (I think I'm going to try and find a lovely picture on the internet that corresponds to the phrase, "wall of mucus," all for your viewing pleasure....or maybe I'll just settle for this photo)



so while I feel like I'm being choked to death because of lack of oxygen, I'm also being drowned in my own mucus. I kid you not, one night, I started rubbing my fingers on the sides of my nose and tears started squirting out my eyes. I'm not even joking.

When the neti pot stopped working, I knew I was in trouble. For those of you less snot-filled people, you may not know about the neti pot, but let me tell you, whatever ancient chinese medicine man thought up the neti pot, he deserves a noble peace prize for medicine. But I'm sure, like Noah, he was completely misunderstood and I'm sure people mocked him till the cows showed up as he shoved his little pot up his nose in hopes that the water would come out the other end.

But alas, millions of snot-nosed people around the world are forever in his debt.

Anyway, so I do the neti pot because apparently, I'm allergic to the dust in North Dakota. Go figure. (I'm saving all my money for my move to Tahiti. Hopefully I'll get along with the locals alright.) The neti pot is like a shower for your nose - it gets all the junk out - the only problem is that the junk has to go somewhere and it ends up coming out the other side of your nose.

But let me tell ya, when your sinuses are so inflamed, nothing'll get through. I'd shove the pot up my nose and the crickets would start chirping. The dog would tilt her head and look at me like, "What the heck happened to all that yummy water?"

Apparently, in addition, to my wonderful allergy to North Dakota, I also had a blocked ileoecal valve, which the voodoo doctor adjusted for me. Can you believe that the first time I spelled ileocecal I actually spelled it right? I must be a genius. Anyway, I have been told that this ileocecal valve is what rids the body of all the junky, gunky germs that get in. It's somewhere between the small and the large intestine and when you get sick, it's the valve that releases the mucusy gunk.

With this ileocecal valve being blocked, I was pretty much giving myself the same mucusy gunk the next month and the next month and the next month. But after the voodoo doctor did her little kung fu move on my ileocecal valve, that supposedly fixed the blockage.

Oh, and I got a wonderful bottle of Allerplex, a nutritional supplement that nips environmental allergies and viruses in the butt. And for all of you voodoo doctor supporters, you'll appreciate when I tell you I muscle tested positive for Allerplex.

I don't even know how to explain muscle testing, but I found this little lady on this youtube video who I think will explain it much better than I. She teaches you how to self muscle test, which is different from the muscle testing that the voodoo doctor does, and I will say, the concept is so ridiculous that I even found myself laughing at the idea during this little lady's video. I can't explain it, all I know is, it doesn't make sense that G-d came down to earth as a man either, but I know it to be true.



Great stuff, huh?

Oh, and the really hilarious thing about the voodoo doctor and the natural supplements? I also got a steroid inhaler prescription from the doctor so that my nasal passages would open and I could being breathing the wonderful North Dakota air once again. Moral of the story?? A little all natural medicine sprinkled with some steroids seems to be the answer to life problems.