What Would the World Look Like Without Us....

My anal retentive self has struck this week, which is why I have again been AWOL from my wonderful blogging life. There have been weeks where I've thought, "Man, I only posted once that week, what in the world was I doing?"

And then I've realized, "Oh yeah, I was actually hanging out with my real-life friends that week. Imagine that." Blogging is a great substitute for human interaction when all your real friends are either busy or on vacation.

But I did not have the privilege of hanging out with friends this week, well, unless you count the day a couple of friends came over to help me in my wallpaper removal endeavors in the bathroom the other day. For the most part I have been working on completing my yard beautification mission, which has completely taken over the last month of my life.

When we moved into this house in September we moved into a property that looked like a flower garden had spontaneously combusted. There were flowers and bushes everywhere, and I mean everywhere. You could just be walking along and realize oh, you stepped on a tulip, or a day lily or a whatever. I am into flowers, really I am, but I need to be able to walk in my yard without feeling claustrophobic. And the massive flower garden that wraps around the house? Well, that was being taken over by grass. So, for the last month I have been cleaning out flower beds to ultimate perfection. And I cannot stop.

I have an innate need for flowers to be where flowers should be, for grass to be where grass should be and for dirt to be where dirt should be. It's the same reason that in our closets, all the hangers need to be exactly the same and all the clothes need to be hung according to purpose and color. For instance, in Kaydn Rye's closet, all the hangers are those little white hangers, and all his shirts are hung up with the blues, the reds, the yellows and oranges, the blacks, the browns and the plaids all hung together in their respective groups.

In my closet, I have skinny white hangers and my clothes are hung with the shirts grouped into blues, purples, greens, blacks, browns and reds. Then the pants, the skirts and the dresses all hung in their respective groups.

In hubby's closet, he has big black hangers and his clothes also must be hung according to color. This was a prerequisite for marriage. Believe me, it is that important.

If he couldn't keep his closet color coordinated with everything hanging on the right hangers going the right way, it wasn't going to happen, I wouldn't marry him. I informed him that he could perhaps sleep on it and let me know if he was ready to commit to proper closet etiquette, till death do us part.

He had seen my closet, so he knew what he was getting into, but for some reason he just had not previously thought about how he would be required to follow the same closet etiquette. Needless to say, he traded his freedom for a life of slavery to closet etiquette.

So anyway, same goes for the yard. There can be no weeds and no grass in the flower beds, and there can be no weeds and no flowers in the grass. There's just no working around it. I have actually taken a couple days off of work to de-grass the flower beds in the last few weeks. That's the beauty of telecommuting - I do not need to seek help for my illness and can still hold down a decent job.

Yes, I know I am suffering from some kind of schizo-obsessive disorder, but the truth is, I do not want help. If I was cured, then I would have weedy and grassy flower gardens, and that's not good for anyone. What would the neighbors think?

And really, if there were no obsessive people in the world, the people who have nightmares about weeds in their flower gardens and blue shirts mixed with brown shirts in the closet, what would the world look like?

Scary thought.

This week, after I clean out all the grass from in between my lilac bushes, then I believe I should be about done. I'll post pictures for the big reveal.

Additionally, I am also de-wallpapering the bathroom. After finishing the slate tile floor almost three months ago, I finally decided to get my butt in gear for another round of de-wallpapering. By the end of the week I'll have updated pictures of our de-hydrangea wallpapered bathroom, complete with new counter top. Wallpaper is like the wrath of G-d upon humanity. I'm sure, just like Eve eating the apple in the garden, wallpaper may seem like a good idea at the time, but believe me, it never is. If ever a little voice starts filling your head with fantasies of wallpaper, run. Run away as fast as you can. Run straight to the paint aisle and pick yourself up a nice gallon of paint.

With that thought, I will return to the world of blogging later in the week, once my mind has been eased by the riddance of wallpaper and weeds.




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