A New Earth??

As I prepared to zone out after a rough day, I was milling around the patheticly small amount of television channels I have and came upon some supposed "spiritual life expert" talking about this new ultimate spiritual guide, "A New Earth" by a guy named Eckhart Tolle. Now keep in mind, I don't keep up with all these new spiritual awakening crazes that come and go, but this book was particualy peculiar to me.

So, this supposed spiritual expert was saying how this wonderful and magical book had given her this wonderful life and that she had pretty much moved into the Garden of Eden with a million bucks that had fallen out of the sky....yada yada yada.

One of her big revelations was that the book had taught her that everything in life, even the bad things that have happened in her life, are for a greater purpose, and that purpose being to ultimately bring good into her life and to make her more prosperous.

I did one of those, "Oh, my word, how dense can you be?" kind of laughs and thought, so you just learned that NOW, when for hundreds of years anyone and everyone in America has had the ability to pick a Bible on just about every street corner????

Romans 8:28 has been explaining that very same promise of Yah for thousands of years now.

This just confirmed my firm belief that while everyone in America claims that we have turned away from Yah and that everyone is running amuck completely denying His power, I say just the opposite, that the only time when Yah was more revealed was during the days of the events of the Bible.

We are searching for a piece of Yah more than ever before. Just look at the shows on tv, "A Haunting," "Haunted History," the show about the medium (is that called "Medium?), the list goes on and on. And just look at the books that you can buy online "For those who recently purchased 'A New Earth.'" The books on spiritual enlightment are endless. You could read one supposed spiritually enlightening book for everyday of your life and still not finish all of them in existence. You'd never keep up.

So I ask, why read someone else's thoughts on the same promise Yah gave to us before we were even born? I guess because of the thees and thous, but really, go pick up a Bible written in post modern english. And I guess people think, "Well instead of reading the whole entire million-paged Bible I could just read this little book and it'll tell me everthing I need to know, and I can avoid the 'who begot thou and he begot who?'"

I say, stop your searching for the next ultimate spiritual guide to life and pick up something like The Message Bible, or something that comments on and tells the story of the Bible as a story. Oh, and ask the Holy Spirit for help in your reading - you'll never be the same.

Potty Bubbles

Today was one of those trying days - I needed a break. I was screaming for break, so I put Kaydn to bed early, before I lost my temper with him, while I still had an ounce of sanity left.

During his pre-bedtime potty break, Kaydn Rye, who now has to "stand like Daddy" when he pees, said, "Look, the bubbles, I'm popping the bubbles."

Rather than make any lengthy comments on the "pee bubbles," I just said, "Yeah, there are lots of bubbles, aren't there?"

I tried to forget about the fact that now I have two men to clean up after in the bathroom.

Five Things Happy People Do

The other day I was broswing, of all places, Oprah's Web Site (don't ask why, but I was there nonetheless), and while there I found an interesting list, "The Five Things Happy People Do."

I found this list particulary interesting since I only recently realized that I was becoming one of those happy people that I previously thought should jump in a lake and leave the rest of us to go about our lives with our melancholy.

Well, one of the items on this "happy people" list is that happy people: 1. "Design their lives to Bring Joy."
This was a concept that, again, only recently occurred to me.

Have you ever really sat down in your bedroom, or at your kitchen table, or on your front porch and thought "What will really and actually make me happy?" Not, what did I think would make me happy ten years ago, or what would make all my family members really impressed?

I'd be interested to know the amount of people in this dream-chasing country who are actually chasing something that will make them happy and that will make them happy throughout the journey required to get there.

When this personal happiness revelation hit me I was doing exactly what I had planned to do from the start of my adult life. More than a year ago, I was preparing to start another week at my desk as the lead reporter at a newspaper in South Dakota. I had just taken, and passed with flying colors I might add, the test required for entrance into the border patrol investigator training camp - I was on my way to becoming an FBI investigator.

I was also probably sitting in my bathroom holding back tears of utter dread at the thought of getting up in the morning, washing and fixing my hair, putting on makeup, getting dressed, getting Kaydn Rye fed and dressed, putting on our shoes and driving down Harrison Avenue to drop off my wonderful little boy for the 10, possibly 12 hours, it would take me everyday to come up with the brilliant piece of journalism that would inspire readers across the South Dakota plains the next day.

While I had spent 5 years of college devoted to perfection in my pursuit of a powerful career in one of the most respected institutions in the United States of America, I all of a sudden realized that what would make me happy was my beautiful little boy and having the freedom to pour into his life all that I had to give while clipping coupons and baking cookies on the side.

But back to my happy people list, it's so interesting to me that while the human race has come up with everything from nuclear bombs to space travel, we can't figure out what will truly make us happy. So many of us don't realize that we, human beings, have the power to design and control our own happiness.

The study behind the Oprah list, concludes,
"Taking action is key. Another recent study, at the University of Missouri, compared college students who made intentional changes (joining a club, upgrading their study habits) with others who passively experienced positive turns in their circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being relieved of a bad roommate). All the students were happier in the short term, but only the group who made deliberate changes stayed that way."

I believe that even if we are not living in misery, but merely aren't loving life in the early morning hours of each new day, that we are not fulfilling our destinies, that we are not living to the potential that Yah intended for us. And all those "if, then" and "only if" fantasies, are making life even more miserable.
The thoughts, "Once I make $100,000 in a year, then I'll be happy," or, "Once I get married, then I'll be happy," or "Once I can get that bigger house down the street, then I'll be happpy" will only lead to tears on the bathroom floor.

People with any amount of joy in their lives don't buy into this, knowing that even if these worldly goals are reached, they'll only lead to another, "If only" fantasy.

I encourage myself to everyday transfer an hour from an activity that fills my soul with dread with one that I truly love. Now this doesn't mean an activity that allows me to just zone out and experience a temporary numbness, but that actually brings joy to my heart.

I encourage everyone else to do the same.

Creepin Me Out

This morning I started my new morning routine, where instead of waking up at my usual time - when Kaydn yells, "I wanna get up mom," I now wake up an hour earlier to get an extra hour of work in before the day officially starts.
So anyway, I whipped out the old baby monitor so that I wouldn't waste the entire hour running to the stairs with my ear plastered to the railing waiting for Kaydn's "I wanna get up mom."
So I dig through all the junk in my basement boxes and find the monitor, I hook it up and hear "Mommy, Mommy."
I think, "Great, there goes my hour of productivity without a 40 pound child sitting on my lap."
So I run up the stairs saying, "Kaydn I'm coming."
I barge into his room, and he's sleeping like a baby, well, I guess like a baby that sleeps.
He doesn't even move as I come barging into his room.
Then I look to the side, and his monitor isn't even plugged in.
I was thoroughly creeped out.
I then start to rethink whether or not I really heard that soft little voice saying "Mommy Mommy."
I'm still sure I heard it, but, I wouldn't bet my life on it.
I was thoroughly creeped out.

Joys of Motherhood in the Bathroom

Yesterday, during my usual tiddy up time I walked into the bathroom to grab some more clothes out of the clean clothes basket that always looks like it's going to attack at any moment. On my way out Kaydn Rye, doing his usual follow-the-mommy-leader routine, happened to find his sword - it's plastic of course - on the floor. He proceeded to grab a little baseball bat- plastic of course - and said "Swords!" I was apprently supposed to grab the bat and joust with him in the bathroom.

I thought, "Whatever, I'll joust until one of us gets hurt."

And, unsurprisingly, Kaydn smacks me on the wrist with his sword, leaving a lump and a red spot.

I said, "That's it, no more swords." And I walked downstairs to proceed with the day, leaving him standing in the bathroom with his bottom lip on the floor.

A couple minutes later I hear him crying his eyes out, so I go up and find him curled up on his bed crying to beat the band.

I of course asked him what happened. (I thought maybe he had all of a sudden incurred an injury as well - the ones that he just can't seem to find when asked), and he said, "I'm sad."

When I asked him why he was sad, he said with a wimper, "Because I hurt your arm."

Touched by the fact that this little two-year felt such empathy, "I said, it's okay, you don't have to cry."

That's a heart-to-heart I won't ever forget.

The Monster Mask

Today was really my first day of somewhat normal working hours after I took off Friday to spend time with a friend who really needed a friend and after taking most of Monday off to love on my little Mr. Man, Kaydn Rye, all day.

While this may seem like a very non-productive way to run a business, it is actually the fruition of a life-changing spiritual revelation.

Since I can remember, I have suffered from a success drive that has often left me crippled with the fear that I will never accomplish half of the success I dream of - that I will never do enough for G-d, that I will never do enough for my family, that I would never make enough money and that I will never fulfill my calling as a child of G-d.

And on top of this drive to succeed, the continuous cycle of churching and striving and guilting myself for not churching and striving enough was just emotional suicide and suicide of the soul. So anyway, the spiritual revelation came when I realized I was so sick and tired of trying to get G-d to like me. I had always viewed G-d with the thought that, "Well, G-d loves me because He loves everyone who has ever lived, but that doesn't mean He always likes me."

Then the monster incident happened. Around Halloween, Kaydn Rye was staying with my parents, and my father, who has always gotten his kicks from scaring little children, pulled out a Halloween mask and starting chasing Kaydn Rye around with it on. The poor little guy was terrified with his first revelation of the evil that plagues us here on earth.
When he came home a couple days later he did not want to sleep in his room for fear, not even that the monster would invade his bedroom, but that my dad with the monster costume would be around the corner. The costume itself was enough evil to send a paralyzing fear through his little body.
I sat him down and told him all about how Yahushua would protect him. All he needed to do was say, "Yahushua protect me."
And you know what - he believed me, - unlike every other human on the planet's tendency to doubt and scofe, "Will He really protect me, will He really give me peace and rest, will He really deliver me from this situation?" Kaydn Rye really believed with all his body, mind and soul that Yahushua would come from his throne in heaven to protect him from any evil that may come his way.
That's when a belief in the power of Yahushua so powerful hit me like a Mac truck. While I had practiced church and christianity for quite some time, the revelation came that I had never truly believed that G-d could do anything for me - until that moment. And not only will G-d send his heaven and earth-moving power to my side, but He will also send his power despite the fact that I will never do anything for him that even comes close. And you know why He does it - because He genuinely likes us, because we are His dwelling, and because He feels at home with us, humanity despite our hellish behavior.

Now that is a revelation of the kingdom of the Almighty G-d. What has anything on earth done for you today that is like the power of G-d??

I need my space, or do I??

Today has been spent with my son, Kaydn Rye. Well, nearly everyday is spent with Kaydn Rye, but today has been fully devoted to him. Most days are spent with me trying to work, make phone calls and run my business with Kaydn sitting on the floor of my office staring at me for most of the day. He'll say, "I'm a leech!" He requires human contact almost every moment of every day - it is key to his survival - so today I decided to spend the day fulfilling his need for close human contact.

I then began thinking about how different the two of us are. I, like most people, will take advantage of online services, use an ATM, or send an email before I actually pick up the phone or venture out into the actual world where I might encounter some human contact.

The most interesting thing about this phenomenon is how much energy we will spend trying to run errands and manage our lives all while trying to avoid physical contact with other humans.
One of the reasons I despised my work as a reporter, before I started my business, is because of all the human contact it required everyday. It was so tremendously draining! On top of that, the entire newsroom was an open forum where we all had desks in the middle of the room. I begged and begged for a cubicle!!

Now, I of course love connecting with my son but for some reason feel guilty when I do. I feel like the world is screaming at me to accomplish something great and mysterious, something that humanity has been waiting for since the beginning of time, the something that will bring me the glory the world has always longed to give but just never could in the midst of all my failures and misdirection.

Despite the guilt that plagues me, everyday that I take a little, or a lot of, time off to pour into Kaydn Rye's life, I always feel I've made a decision that I will never regret and will continue to see a return on for all eternity.

I've heard it said that the moments in which we truly live are those in which we act not for the glory that the world has to offer but when we act in the spirit of love for another. If this is true, and I know that it is, then Kaydn Rye is the greatest thing that will become of my life. No matter if a achieve my dreams.... even if I write a bestseller, back pack Europe, or parachute out of a plane, those will be done out of love for adventure and accomplishment. But Kaydn, he has sent me on a journey that exists because of the pure love of the glimmer of hope in his eyes and the dimple that comes from his mesmerizing smile.

Discouraged with "Christianity"

You may be wondering who I am and what I'm doing on your computer screen. I am writing this blog after a life change that has left me feeling disillusioned at times with my life, and I am writing to all those who feel like believing in something but don't know what to believe in.

About a year ago I quit my job as a reporter to fulfill my dreams of business ownership, which I felt could be accomplished with my two-year-old at my heels the whole time (that's a whole other day's post!!). At that time, I also began questioning the mainstream way in which we lived out our faith.

I accepted Jesus into my life in college but began feeling very discouraged with the mainstream christianity I was practicing. I began to get a revelation that Jesus, or Yahushua, as we have come to know Him, which means, Yah (G-d) is our salvation in Hebrew, never intended for me to live in fear, doubt, self-hatred, sadness and brokenness. I was then able to tap into the life-giving power of Yahushua and live the empowered and joy-filled life that He intended for me all along.

So this blog is my way of tearing down all the disillusionment that happens amidst the chaos of all that sometimes steals our joy, whether it be our thoughts about ourselves, our thoughts about G-d, or our thoughts about the world around us.