Getting off the Merry-go-Round

I was recently reflecting on those times in the past when my faith in Yah was merely "fire insurance," and how my life has changed since I decided to live a fulfilled life rather than wait for this fulfilled life to decide to come to me.
Some may look at my little life and wonder, why is this life so fulfilling, which is, believe me, a question I used to ask myself and is why I wasn't living a happy life.
But I guess I feel like a fulfilled life means living out your purpose in all areas of your life.
But of course, finding whatever that crazy purpose may be is the stickler for many of us seekers.
And I guess I felt like I found my purpose when I wasn't afraid for Yah to fulfill his purpose in me.
I always thought that I would have a federal investigations career, be very successful, have a big house in the city and ride off into the sunset on a white horse.

But well.... It didn't work out that way, is was like I got the life someone else ordered, like my order got crossed with someone else's down the street.

I ended up with a husband constantly traveling for work, a tiring, thankless job as a journalist that consumed my life, a two-year old and a lifestyle of naps and housecleaning on Friday nights.
Not exactly glamorous.

But I still strived toward this crazy enigma in my head, and during that time I remember feeling so petrified that Yah might have something different and something totally spirit impovering in store for my life. I definitly wasn't living a Psalm 37:4 life, "Delight yourselves in Yah and he will give you the desires of your heart." I guess I secretly thought I didn't deserve the desires of my heart, like I wasn't worthy of those desires. And to be honest, I don't think people have a clue what this Scripture means. It means that these desires of the heart will only come once we delight in Yah. That's someting to think about, but easy enough - delight in the one who created you.

But anyway, it was like Yah gradually planted in my head these ideas, these glimpses of happiness that kept nagging at me, like starting my investigations and recovery business and like the idea of getting off of the merry-go-round.

The merry-go-round - now that's the typical American routine - get up, get the kids ready for school or daycare, go to work, take the kids to wherever they need to go in the evening, make dinner, eat, do homework and bedtime routine with the kids, watch television, brush your teeth and go to bed, until Saturday when you order take-out, spend the day cleaning house, yell at your kids for whatever reason because your so burnt out from the previous week, watch television, and go to bed.
That's the merry-go-round I'm talking about.

So it was like my desires started to match up with what Yah was doing in my life. He allowed me the financial freedom to quit my job, start a business, actually be present with Kaydn Rye, and actually have time to serve the kingdom of Yah through ministry.

So, in all areas of my life - work, family, ministry and friends - I feel fulfilled.
But it's nothing exciting. I try to work in the morning, take a shower and atleast make myself look human, do a little home-preschooling with Kaydn Rye, take him to the nursing home or other ministry opportunity so that we can truly minister to hurting people as a team, go fulfill a need in the church with youth or young adult ministry, get a little more work done in the late afternoon, have friends over on the weekends or get together with family.
It's that simple, but I have been called to a volunteer ministry, to a work at home business and to receive and give blessings to my friends and family, therefore that is what fulfills me. And as I am diligent with what I have been given, I will be given an even greater ministry and even greater blessings.
That is the hope that everyone needs to get off the merry-go-round and lead a fulfilled life.